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Max Magician and the Legend of the Rings

8/10/05

Find at: Wal-Mart
Price: $5.50

This movie takes all the worst parts from Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Legend, and The Matrix then combines them into about the most dull independent film I've ever seen. It was so insipid I had to watch it three times just to remember enough of the plot to do a review.

abra cablabraMax Majak is a young boy who loves magic. old dude giving max bookStereotypically, that means other males think he's gay and want to pound his body, and females just want to... well... pound his body. Some old coot that runs the local park gives him an ancient magic book. Then Max goes to some magical land of goblins and elves and yada yada yada he and his new best rodent friend have to save the magic forest. The elven princess, whose name i can't remember so we'll just call her.... Leg O' Lass... begs Max to help her people, the BlueBells.

elf chick

mom chickDumbledore Morpheus Gandalf guyThe elven people and the goblins got along until the power corrupt goblin master dude couldn't get it on with Leg O' Lass' mom, so he stole her magic ring and went awol. Max promises to help and he goes through tough training from a Dumbledore/ Morpheus/ Gandalf hybrid. The training montage music was the worst. While the peaceful Celtic music was playing I just hummed "Eye of the Tiger" out loud to make it more interesting. Anyway, the war starts, Max chickens out, then realizes he just needs to believe in himself.

wheee LARP!He uses the magic book to summon the sleeping knights. Then you get to see a magnificent battle only the finest of LARPs could produce. The elves win, Leg O' Lass gets her ring back. Max gets a ring to the BlueBell forest as well as a granted wish of turning his mouse friend into a real boy. A real boy who he then keeps in his closet with other characters from the land. They play Playstation and all is peaceful in the forest. I just hope Max gets rid of those guys in his closet before puberty.

guys in the closet

Rating -

 

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